5 Ways to Create Stress Free & Effortless Mum Relationships
Mothers day was such a gift for me – I got to spend it with my beautiful son Leo, who gifted me a card and some beautiful flowers. I was also treated to a beautiful lunch. And it got me thinking about my relationship with my mum. For many years I found it difficult to connect with mine, and in a blink of an eye she was gone. They say that if you want to grow the most, then spend this time with your parents!
Having coached clients to transform their family stresses, namely those that involve relationships with their parents, and more specifically their mothers, I have come to see that mother/son/daughter relationships can be challenging if you cannot really see what is creating the problem in the first place.
My intention with this blog is to guide you to see what is really going on with your relationship with your mum that may well be challenging you at this minute in the hope that something I say can relieve you of the stress you experience with them.
1. The feelings of frustration that you feel cannot come from your mum’s behavior. It can only ever come from one place and one place only – from your thinking in that given moment. The minute you think your feelings of frustrations are coming from the other person, is the moment you can spiral and frustrate yourself even more because you want to change the outside circumstances. In this case – change your mother. Of course we cannot change the other person and in this case – why would you want to as your feelings are coming from your state of mind.
2.Know that your mother is coming from her thought-felt reality. She may well be oblivious that her feelings come from her thinking. And in her innocence she will want to change you because she thinks her insecurity comes from you and what you are upto in the world. But she can only function at the level of consciousness she finds herself in – just like you. This of course suggests that we are all blinded by what is true from time to time. What this has implied for my clients is that compassion can arise from this truth.
3.When you blame and shame the other person, it won’t help, no matter how good it feels. In my experience all it will do is create more animosity. In truth, if you blame another, you are pointing the finger with three fingers pointing back at you. We are one, and so with that – the only person you are waging war on, is yourself. The only person that you are hurting when you carry resentment is yourself. So is it time to let it go?
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4.You can feel validated without being validated. One of the biggest patterns of behavior I see with my clients is that they wait to be validated by their mothers (or fathers) so they can feel good about who they are and what they are upto in the world. However what if you knew that your feelings of validation cannot come from what your mother says or doesn’t say? Your feelings of validation come from you! So you don’t need to wait anymore. You don’t need to look for praise – just go out and do and be what and who you want to be!
5. Egos create issues not people
I have always said that there are 4 people in any relationship. Two egos (perceptions) and who we really are. Who we really are don’t know about anger or resentment. They only know about peace and contentment. Our perceptions are not who we really are. The chances are that conflict reflects who is leading the show. And that’s usually the ego.
In short, compassion, love and peace is available to all of us if we can see that we are responsible for how we feel and understand what the real challenges are and where conflict really comes from!
To explore this more in detail join me on my free online masterclass to transform your relationship stress into peace
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