“No” Isn’t A Dirty Word, But Here Is One That Is...
Rejection
While I did some of my market research, I discovered that there are women who have never been in a relationship with the masculine before, because they were so afraid of rejection. And yet secretly their desire was to settle down and create the intimacy their heart longed for. But their fear of losing themselves and then being rejected felt way too unsafe, so much so, that taking the steps to date seemed way too dangerous.
How People Pleasing Erodes Healthy Boundaries
To the people pleaser, the Word NO would be the culprit here, because people pleasing IS all about the YES.
Yes, I will do this for you (even though I have no time).
Yes, I will come and pick you up (even though there is torrential rain out there and dangerous).
Yes, I will take care of all the needs of the family (even though I am totally exhausted and need to rest).
Yes, I will pay for everyone (even though my finances don’t allow it).
Yes, I can do that date (even though I will need to change the plans I did have).
Yes, I will take on more work (even though I have no more bandwidth and won’t be able to give you the service you deserve).
Yes, I will marry you, date you (even though I know the feelings aren’t there or this doesn’t feel aligned).
Yes, I still want to be in this relationship (even though it’s not right for either of us).
So, of course, NO becomes the DIRTY word.
Understanding the Fear of Rejection and Its Impact on Self-Worth
It looks to me that the word that creates all the pain is REJECTION.
Yes is overused so as not to be rejected.
No is not used so as not to be rejected.
That is the reality that chronic people pleasing IS shackled to.
So when a NO is directed at a people pleaser, they don’t SEE that the word has no story. Instead, they feel the pain, the hurt, their painful story they have created around the word. They FEEL rejected and the pain this causes, as the word NO is directly linked to rejection. And yet, a NO from another, when aligned, is healthy and kind as they are looking after themselves and being congruent with what they need.
Overcoming Rejection: The Path to Becoming an UnShackled Queen
An UnShackled Queen would know this as she also would have no problem in sharing what she needs and desires either.
No, I cannot do this for you as I have no time.
No, I cannot come and pick you up as the torrential rain out there is dangerous. No, I cannot take care of all of the needs of the family as I am totally exhausted and need to rest.
No, I cannot pay as my finances don’t allow it.
No, I cannot do that date as I already have plans.
No, I cannot take on more work as I don’t have the bandwidth and won’t be able to give you the service you deserve.
No, I cannot date you, marry you, as the feelings are no longer there and it no longer feels aligned.
No, I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore as it’s not right for me anymore.
An aligned NO is clean and kind, and the UnShackled Queen knows this, whereas the people pleasers unaligned YES in the name of avoiding rejection isn’t.
The Importance of Setting Aligned Boundaries in Relationships
If you are a woman who IS shackled to her people-pleasing chains and is scared of losing herself in a relationship, but her heart is longing for one. Or is terrified of rejection and suffers at the hand of a NO. Or struggles with understanding what your boundaries (aligned NOs) are and expressing them, and you like the sound of becoming An UnShackled Queen, I have something perfectly aligned for you.
Click on the link below, and if it feels aligned, pm me.
