Why people pleasing isn’t the answer… (and what is!)
WHY PEOPLE PLEASING ISN’T THE ANSWER... (AND WHAT IS....)
Have you lost yourself in LOVE and used contortion as a way to get the LOVE you wanted from the masculine?
I know I have....
I have done so over and over...
Until I realized it wasnt actually creating what my loving heart trully desired....
I was living with an erronous belief, one that you may resonate with....
"People pleasing will create what I want in Relationship with the masculine."
It will have me experience
❤️Intimacy
❤️Connection
❤️LOVE
❤️A masculine man
❤️To receive
❤️ Passion
How wrong I was.
In fact, being this way actually created the very relationship I didnt want, which included
😔Lack of intimacy as I would gag myself from sharing as i feared they would leave if I did.
😔Disconnection as I found vulnerability too difficult.
😔Trauma bonding as I was living my co-dependency and rescuing, which created a lot of suffering.
😔 Attracting men who were either living in their feminine or looking for a mother as I would give and give and felt guilt to recieve.
😔Passion dying after 6 months because I thought that sex wasnt that important and needed to open.
After 2 divorces and a 4 year dating journey later, I discovered that I was a people pleaser 😱
You might be thinking...how didnt you know, especially after so many years of Transformation?
Well, I hadnt connected the dots and i certainly didnt believe in labels (a post for another time) but the minute that I did and could see how my ways of being all connected back to her, I knew it was time to notice where she was showing up in my life...
Ha! Precisely in the place least wanted, my intimate relationships. 🥰
At the beginning I would judge her and get upset with her because she was getting in the way of what my Queen desired...
And yet over time, I realized that my Queen could bring LOVE to her and the parts that felt unsafe. In doing so these parts began to express themselves from a place of LOVE.
As they did, I could see that the very ways of being that I was judging myself for, were the very ways of being that were needed to create the relationship with the masculine that my heart had always longed for.
Its true, I still dont get it right all the time, as I am still exploring what works and doesnt....
And yet what I have noticed: IS that when I send compassion and love to the parts of myself, that feel unworthy (when they show Up) I feel safe and am able to express myself from a place of LOVE and compassion to create more of what I want....
