Do you have your own back?

As I have sat to reflect on 2022, I wont lie, its been one of the biggest years of growth that I have had in a long while.

Its true that 2021 was also intense for different reasons and yet last year the decisión to sell my villa and move into casita to do her up has to be one of the most challenging decisions I have ever made.

Nothing has gone to plan.

Nothing.

And while my ego would have loved It to, I have learnt so much from this one decisión...

While there has been a lot of berating myself for having made the decision, and wishing that i could turn back the clock to make a new one, I know that I arrived to this place to learn about

1. Patience. To accept my situation...which is to wait until i am given all the licenses to proceed. (8 months 🙈😱)

2. Trust. I dont know how this story ends. Even though i have made up incredible horror stories about It.

3. LOVE. To LOVE what i dont. To be honest, I have had huge issues with living in casita. I bought her for the potential, not for how she is right now. And for me to LOVE her regardless, has been a journey met with so much resistance and yet in the last week, I have grown fond of her cosiness and low cost living. (Am paying 1000 less here than i would have done in the old space 😱)

4. Transformation. A couple of weeks ago i fell really ill. I couldnt move for 4 days as I had chills, fevers.etc and had to face my demons head on. I was obsessing about my decisión and berating myself over It. It was really painful and the suffering was intense. Until i saw what i had been doing. I heard my souls voice share "you dont need to do this anymore, you can live without this addiction."

Really? In that moment i saw all that thinking collapse and i fell back into my body. Since then, acccessing all the regretful thinking is impossible. And i am finding myself living back in a reality that is kind, loving and gentle.

5. Power. I gave my power away to the builders, estate agents and.....and i will never ever do that again. They all CAME into my life to teach me to have my own back and fight for what is mine. (This has to be the most painful bit.) I know I am a powerful woman and i havnt always owned it. I certainly didnt here. I now devote myself to always having my own back and not seek to be rescued.

In the end I was let down..

Having my own back is something that I have journeyed through many times...And yet I was met with this lesson again last year.

Its been painful, extremely uncomfortable and i have shed a lot of tears. And yet I feel like i am entering 2023 with fresh new eyes and leaving the lessons in 2022 where they belong.